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Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

So I read quite a few other teen girl bloggers. (If you guys know of any good ones (guys or girls) please let me know!)

Anyway, a very common trend I see going around is writing letters to your future husband.Some girls post them on their blogs (or, at least parts of them) and to be honest, they’re really sweet.Basically they write them and save them until they get married, upon which they will present these letters to their husbands saying “Look, I was thinking about you all along.” It’s an adorable idea. :)

But I see so much of this infatuation girls have with weddings everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, I want to get married as much as any girl. It’s going to be really fun finding that guy and getting to know him better than starting a life with him.

But I really think that Christian girls can become way too obsessed.

In the the church, every single girl is told that God has a guy out there for her. I personally do not think that belief is Biblical. (now hear me out…) In 1st Corinthians 7 Paul points out multiple times that women can be called to be single! He actually says that if a woman remains single she is able to be 100% devoted to God instead of being torn between God and her husband. As Christian teen girls, we’re told to be excited to get married, which I completely agree with. I think marriage is wonderful, and I really hope to get married some day (honestly, which girl doesn’t?) But the problem happens when we aren’t prepared if God calls us to be single.

If he called me to be single I don’t know how I’d respond, to be honest.

I disagree strongly how much girls are taught in the church to think about marriage and weddings and all of that. Purity is important. Modesty is important. Both are not stressed enough, I believe. But when they are stressed we are told that it is because we want to save ourselves for our husbands. Although I agree with this statement, there is so much more to it than that. But we, as Christian girls, are taught to put everything in terms of marriage and our husbands.

We don’t flirt because we don’t want to give any of ourselves away to another guy other than our husband

We don’t wear immodest clothing because we’re saving ourselves for our husband

We stay pure so we can give everything to our husband

I have heard so many modesty/purity talks that I really can’t count them. And I have never heard one that didn’t focus on our future husbands.

The reason I try not to wear immodest clothes is that it distracts brothers in Christ and is a selfish thing to do. The reason I’m gonna stay pure is that God says so, and really I don’t think we need any other reason than that. (Of course, saving yourself for your husband is extremely important, but what I’m trying to say is that we shouldn’t only follow God because there’s something in it for us at the end)

The real reason this all bothers me is that our focus is not on God anymore–it’s about what God can give us.

We need to start following God simply because he is God. Not for any other reason.

I firmly believe that God has a guy out there for a lot of girls. I hope he has one for me. And guys, I’m sure he has a great girl out there for you, too.

But the point is this: if he didn’t, would you still give your life to him? Or do we focus more on what God can give us rather than God himself?

Guys, I’m sorry this was really a post directed towards the girl readers… :P But what do you follow God for? Is it because he has something to offer? Or because he is God?

Becca

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I don’t think people understand that how a guy treats a girl can completely change her opinion of herself.

So many guys treat girls like trash. And I’m talking about Christian guys. Guys that go to church every Sunday, and then go to youth group in the middle of the week.

As soon as guys start treating girls like trash, they begin to think of themselves as trash.

Of course, a lot of girls just don’t let the words sink in, but it’s so hard not to.

I challenge girls a LOT on this blog, but I’ve been getting quite a few male readers lately, so I’m going to challenge you this time:

Even if a girl is wearing the most inappropriate clothes they can, even if they’re majorly flirting with you, even if they’re making inappropriate comments towards you, do not start flirting with them, do not start making inappropriate jokes around them. Honestly, is that the kind of guy you want to be known as?

Take it from a girl, I would MUCH rather have a guyfriend who can have a conversation with me without flirting once than one who flirts a ton. Flirting can make a girl feel good about herself for the time being, but as soon as you leave, suddenly she realizes that you didn’t mean any of it. And that can really hurt girls. I know from experience.

Girls are to be respected. I know that we don’t always make it easy, but the fact remains.

I don’t mean that they should be held on a pedestal like they’re some fragile glass object, but treat them like they’re people with feelings, and who God has commanded you, as guys, to look after. Treat them like you would your sister.

My entire opinion on myself changed as soon as I met really good Christian guy-friends. Honestly, it’s actually pretty crazy :) You look at my self-esteem (I hate that word, but that’s a different post) before and after I made a lot of my good guy-friends and it’s just sky-rocketed. I think it’s because all of a sudden I realized that there are guys who will treat me like I deserve to be treated, and that I’m not just some other girl to flirt with, but a person with opinions, and something to add to this world.

I honestly don’t think guys realize that flirting doesn’t make a girl feel beautiful–it makes her feel used.

To make a girl feel beautiful just be her friend. Treat her like she’s valuable. Respect her opinions.

I’d love to see more truly Christ-like guys in this world. You guys were born to be leaders, but so many of you are throwing that opportunity away! It’s so frustrating to watch–it really is.

So step up to the plate! Stop making inappropriate jokes. Stop flirting left, right and center.

Trust me, you could change someone’s life :)

Some questions for you..

Guys: Do girls do the same thing to you? If so, how can we fix it? I’d love to hear your opinions!

Girls: Do you agree? Disagree? I’d love to hear your opinions :)

Becca

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Giving Up Dreams

We find it really easy to surrender some dreams to God. The dream of having the newest car, for one, is an easy one to give up. If you felt that God was asking you to use that money to build wells in third world countries, I’m sure that a lot of people would be ok with it after some thought, even if they had been saving up for a long time.

But what about your dream of getting married?

I know this is a huge one for a lot of girls—it definitely is for me, I’m not going to lie. (If any of my guyfriends are reading this, don’t worry. I won’t be husband-hunting for a while yet. ;) so no cause for alarm) Girls want so badly to be loved—don’t we? I know it isn’t just me. We all want to believe that there’s the perfect guy out for us, and that God is going to present him at just the right time. Not only that, but it’s going to be more romantic than we could ever imagine.

Every Christian girl has their list of the things they need in a husband. It varies from girl to girl, but we all have one. Don’t try to deny it.

But have you ever thought that God might call you to be single?

It’s a scary thought, isn’t it, to most of us? It actually completely scares me—I don’t think I could live alone my whole life. But the point remains—he could call you to be single. He could call me. There’s no way of knowing until the time comes for him to reveal that part of the plan to us.

Would you be willing to hand your dreams of marriage over to God, and allow him to use your life however he sees fit?

Something to think about.

Becca

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So I’m going through a major U2 phase right now, and I’ve been listening to them all the time. One song I really like called “A Man and a Woman” has a really interesting line in it.

“I could never take a chance of losing love to find romance.”

I love how much U2 distinguishes between the two. People tend to forget that romance and love are two different things. When teenagers think of love, they’re really thinking of romance most of the time.

Let me explain.

When a girl thinks about love, half the time she thinks about walking through fields of daisies hand-in-hand with her beloved prince charming. Then, out of nowhere, spontaneous waltzing with said prince, and then spending the rest of the day just you and him, safe and madly in love with each other. This is romance, not love.

Romance comes with love. Love doesn’t always come with romance.

Love is hard work. Love is being patient when the other person is really ticking you off. Love is making hard decisions together without blowing up. Or, if you do blow up at him, you make it up and admit you were wrong. Love is being able to spend every day with each other–through the good and the bad–putting not the other person first, but God.

Love is tough.

I dont’ say this to make everyone all depressed or anything–I say it to warn people. Now listen to me: teenage Christian girls often swear that they will never date anyone if they can’t picture marrying them. Now, when you get asked out by a guy who you think you could marry, are you picturing a marriage or romance, or a marriage of love? You can picture a marriage of romance with anyone. But a marriage of love is much harder to picture with some people.

We so often are led astray by the lie that romance and love are the same thing. They are so different! Romance is a natural outcome of love–but love is the hard part.

When I picture love, I picture my mom and dad. I think about how Daddy is (usually) extremely patient with mommy when she’s in a bad mood. I think about how Mommy works extra hard to make a nice meal for daddy when he comes home from a hard day at work. This may sound weird, but I picture them fighting, too. Because it’s inevitable, but they always make up after it. I picture how daddy looks at my mom when he thinks I’m not looking.

Not all of us have parents like mine–I mean, mine run marriage conferences. But all I’m trying to say is that when you are thinking about the kind of guy you want to marry or date, I want to warn you not to base your relationship on romance. Base it on love–on 1 Corinthians 13. Go read it if you don’t know what I’m talking about.

So what about you? What do you think? Let me know in a comment or an e-mail.

Becca

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Friends are amazing, aren’t they?

I just got back from a Bible Quizzing meet, where a whole bunch of teens (around 140 in our district) get together and quiz on a certain book of the Bible. We did John 1-5 this meet. We’ll be learning the rest of the book by the end of the year. (to understand what I mean, visit this website: http://ecd.bq.net)

I love the quiz meets, and not only because of the competition. Yes, that’s fun, but really, I go for the people. :) I’ve made friends with as many people as I possibly can during these meets. Usually I hang out with some of the younger guys from one of the churches from my district, because they are quite possibly the most awesome kids ever, but I ventured out of my comfort zone this quiz meet.

Usually I don’t make friends very well with girls. To be honest, I find it 10x easier to make friends with guys than I do girls. It’s just how I’m made. But this quiz meet, I am SO glad I went out of my comfort zone. I hung out with Talitha, Darian, Katie, Samantha, the other Samantha, Liz, the other Liz, the other the other Liz, Myriam, Kiersten, the other Kiersten, (there are a lot of repeated names) and a TON more girls. And you know what? I adore every single one of them. :)

They are some of the nicest girls I’ve ever met, and I know I’ll be hanging out with them next meet, too. :) I never expected I’d be friends with so many of the girls in our district, to be honest, but I am SO glad I got to really get to know them this meet. They are all encouraging, friendly, funny, sweet, and really strong Christians.

So if any of you are reading this, you are all deeply loved, and I can’t wait to see you in two months! I miss you all already!

What I’m trying to say, though, is go outside your comfort zone. Talk to people you normally wouldn’t talk to, and get to know the personality that God loves in that person. And don’t worry about venturing out of your age category! Some of my best friends from the quiz meets are a bunch younger than me, and I think they’re awesome. :)

God has created so many unique people out there, and I personally think that this world would be a much better place if we would all step out of our little bubbles and befriend someone we usually wouldn’t.

I love you all,

Becca

I’m sorry I haven’t been writing very often… I’ve been insanely busy! But I just wrote a bunch of posts, so we’ll be back on track soon! :)

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Who’s your ideal friend? (I’m talking people here, although God can (and should) be our best friend, I’m thinking people.)

My ideal friend (guy or girl) would be someone who is (a) intellectual (b) Christian (c) happy or content with his/her life, even when things don’t go their way (d) funny (e) excited enough about God that I begin to want to grow closer to Him just by being around my friend.

What would your list have on it that I don’t have? Patient? Loud? Quiet? What’s the most important thing that you want your friend to be?

For me, my last point is the most important. I want someone who I can talk with about God, what he’s doing in my life, and what he’s going to do. Someone who will challenge me, and correct me when I’m wrong. Someone who believes that prayer works. Someone who’s entire life is centered with Christ. Someone will pray for me when I’m going through a really  hard time without me even asking them to.

It may seem like the generic Christian answer, but something I’ve realized these last few months is that I really do need someone to challenge me. I’m the good little Christian girl—never done anything extremely wrong by the world’s standards. I’ve been to church all my life, and am in a comfortable place in life. But my problem is that I haven’t really let my friends challenge me. I recently started random topics with my friends and have been learning a lot about myself and my relationship with God. I don’t think they always appreciate it, but I really do, so if you’re reading this, and we just had an intense debate, then thank you for putting up with stubborn little me. :)

But what kind of friend am I right now? I know that I’m not the kind of friend to people that I want. I can be self-centered, impatient, stubborn, lazy, short-tempered, vain, proud, and clingy. There. I just opened up completely to you. I hope you appreciate it. :P I don’t want to stay this way, though, and I’m slowly beginning to change. 

That friend who challenges me, corrects me, prays for me, and gets me excited about God—I want to be that friend. I want people to be able to describe me as Christ-centered, and on fire for God. I want to draw people closer to Him simply by having a normal conversation with them. That’s the kind of friend I want to be.

What kind of friend do you want to be? What kind of friend are you now?

Becca

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Hey girls. This is going to be a bit of a longer post.

Today I’m going to talk about something that all girls love to do: talk.

Think about it: You talk to your friends on the phone, on facebook, IMing, etc. You You form a deeper relationship with someone by telling them what’s been hurting you, what’s been making you smile, that embarrassing moment that happened, and how you’ve been growing with God. Girls have no problem talking to their friends (guys or girls) in this way, because it’s just second nature.

Now fit your parents into the scene. It becomes a lot harder for most of us.

I recently read a blog post from Love Unawakened and I thought that they showed a very interesting point: your parents are some of your potential best friends.

I’m homeschooled, so my parents know basically everything about me. They know who I e-mail, who I talk to on the phone, who I hang out with—everything. Mostly because we’re all in the same house all day. I honestly can’t imagine life if I hated my parents like some girls do, and I used to have a “holier than thou” view about the girls who disrespected their parents or simply didn’t talk to them at all.

Then I got a bit of a smack on the head to set my views straight. I was having a terrible day, and was in one of those grumpy moods that I sometimes get when things don’t go my way, and my mom simply said, “Your life isn’t terrible, you know.” And then left my room.

I remember thinking, “Of course it’s not terrible… I love my life. I’m just having a bad day.” Then it hit me, how would she know that? She could see by looking at how I live, and the friends I have and the like that I have a good life, of course. But I had only talked to her about the things that were hurting me, the things that I didn’t like, how much of a bad time I was having at some place. Sure, I talked to her about the good stuff that was happening to, but the times that I honestly sat down with her and talked about what was making me happy was heavily outweighed by the number of times I complained to her or cried to her.

So I’ve been trying to change that. I’ve been trying to talk to both my parents more about the good things in my life, but it is hard. It’s a lot easier to open up to people about the harder things, sometimes, especially if you’re not in the wrong (I wasn’t in these cases) than to tell people what makes you happy. What if they think it’s stupid? What if they say that it’s not a good idea to get to know a certain friend as closely as you are? What if your parents think you could be doing better?

Those are all the questions that I have a hard time overcoming, and I have yet to figure out how to have a perfect relationship with my parents. But I’m getting closer, I’ll tell you that.

For all you girls out there who have a hard time talking with your mom or your dad, here are some things that helped me:

  • Instead of talking face to face (which can be hard and can end up in fights sometimes, especially if you know that you and your parents disagree) write a letter or a note or an e-mail to them telling them what you feel about a certain topic.
  • Try the “sandwich approach:” something good about your life, something you hate about your life, and then something you like about your life. Two goods surrounding a bad. Besides, it really helps you be thankful and grateful for the life you have.
  • Have a certain place that’s easy for you to open up in. For me, it’s our hot tub. J I always talk with my parents in the hot tub. It might be in the car, (especially if you live in the country) or right before bed time. Whatever works for you.
  • Choose your battles. If you are going to complain about something in the house, don’t complain about how the phone is too far to reach from the kitchen sink and how your brothers always squeeze the middle of the toothpaste tube and so make it hard to get the toothpaste out and how they left their socks in the hallway again when your friends come over they laugh, when really the big issue is that you aren’t getting enough sleep at night because your older brother is blasting his music until 3.00 in the morning.
  • Think before you speak. Especially with your parents and siblings it is so easy to lash out and strike, and those wounds take a long time to heal.
  • Listen to them. Don’t just rant and then interrupt them when they start to protest a little bit. Think about how you would feel if someone challenged how you were running something. Then pause, breathe, think, and then say your bit.

Becca

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