Posts Tagged ‘pain’

You know that feeling when you dare to hope for something?

You finally give in, and you think your dream might be reality?

The time that your spirits soar and you can’t help smiling?

It’s an amazing feeling, isn’t it?

And then there’s the time that with a few simple words that’s all gone. And in its place is confusion, disillusionment, sadness, sometimes even depression.

And sometimes you have to stand by and watch it happen to friends, with nothing you can do to help.

I’ve frequently asked God “why would you do this? Couldn’t you bring your plan to life through another route? Why did he have to hurt so much? Why did she have to go through that? Why did you trick me like that?” and the like.

See, we as humans have this uncanny ability to pin all blame to God.

Someone’s girlfriend cheated on him, it’s “Why did you give me feelings for her, God? Why didn’t you let us just be friends?”

A person is diagnosed with cancer, and people wonder why God would do that to them.

But I think we have the wrong attitude.

Having our hopes crushed while we stand there watching is probably one of the worst feelings in all of life.

But too often we ask God “Why?”

Does it really matter why God’s allowing it to happen? Think about it. Even if you  knew why God was letting it happen, would it change anything?

Our attitude should not be one of blaming God, but instead saying “nevertheless.”

You’re going through fire, nevertheless, God will bring you through.

You’ve never felt greater heartbreak than this, nevertheless, God is still there, waiting for you with open arms.

You don’t know whether or not you’ll be able to face another day. Nevertheless, God still has a plan for your life.

I ask God “why” a lot. As if I think that even if I heard his plan I’d be able to comprehend it. But it doesn’t help to ask “why” unless you’re honestly searching for answers. Blaming God will never bring healing–only more hurt.

But seeing that he’s still there–that brings comfort. God will always be there with you. Even when there seems to be no hope left.


I found this post from a while back and apparently never posted it.. well I desperately needed to update again so I’m glad I found it!


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Abraham Lincoln once said that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” I completely agree.

I’m an extremely happy person. It can actually be pretty annoying at times, I admit. Last week I got told at a youth group I go to by one of the newer leaders that he didn’t know what I looked like when I wasn’t smiling or laughing.

I’ve had an easy life, though, too. I haven’t had to face sudden death of a friend, divorce, times where money is short, or any of that kind of stuff. So to many people it seems that it’s easy to be happy if you’re in my situation.

But the funny thing is that I don’t see a lot of my friends who come from extremely bad situations moping about their lives. I see people whose biggest problem is that their parents don’t let them go to parties with their sketchy boyfriend depressed about their lives.

I still don’t really understand why teenagers are so dramatic. Although I have to admit that I can be. Yes, I cry over stupid things. Yes, I have to control my whirlwind emotions at times. But I’ve always been able to control them. Unless they’re about grades. But I see people living their lives hating their parents (who are very nice people—most of them I absolutely love) and making up their minds to be as miserable as possible all the time.

And then I see some of my friends who have faced more than enough trouble for anyone, and they’re smiling and they’re praising God for what he’s done in their lives. They’re making friends, they’re talking about how much they appreciate their friends and family, and they focus on all the good in their lives.

I’m naturally bubbly, as I’ve mentioned, but I have had purpose for being sour towards life. My brother died when I was about 1 ½ years old when he was only 29 days old. I’ve had a close friend be diagnosed with AIDs. I’ve been told by people that I’m ugly (long time ago, almost over it don’t worry) and for a long time I believed them. I’ve seen a beautiful 6-year-old girl die of a brain tumour. But you know what? No matter how terrible these things are, God is sovereign. There is reason to be joyful, because we know that God has it under control.

I don’t mean that you have to always be smiling. I don’t mean that you have to always feel like laughing–and I definitely don’t mean that you need to forget the bad things in your life. How could I ever forget about Christopher (my brother) or the little girl I knew before she died? It’s impossible. But God calls us to be joyful–and we can be with his healing power. 

You have the ability to love your life or hate it. It’s up to you, and no one else can make that decision for you. But let me tell you—if your problem is with your parents, you’re likely in the wrong. They know what they’re doing—they’re older than you, they have experience, and they’re wiser. Yes, they can be annoying. Yes, they can make mistakes. Yes, they are embarrassing. But no, they do not hate you, and no, they are not trying to ruin your life. I’m not trying to belittle anyone’s suffering, anyone’s problems, anything. But the truth is, we as teenagers can blow situations out of proportion so easily.

“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” How happy are you deciding to be? Are you deciding to focus on the good, and on God? Or are you going to focus on the parts of your life that you hate?


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Whenever I go to retreats or speakers or even worship with a whole bunch of Christian kids I usually see a ton of people crying because of how much they feel God.

It’s absolutely amazing how much God can be a presence in a room. But whenever I go to those conferences, whenever I see those people crying, I’m not one of them. I hardly ever am that person who’s weeping because of what God’s been showing them—I’m the one who will go home and write to God about it in her prayer journal.

For a while because of this, to be honest, I felt like I was a lesser Christian. Why didn’t I feel God in the way that other people did? Why wasn’t I so amazed by his presence?

I struggled with this for a while, but then, after reading an author’s blog post, I realized that God is not an emotion.

That being said, that does not mean that God isn’t an emotional God. He displays himself through emotions, he causes emotions, and he has emotions—but he is not an emotion.

Just because I don’t always cry because I loved a speaker or a song or a message doesn’t mean I didn’t experience God. The problem I find with a lot of teens is that they get so caught up in the rush that you get when you feel God’s presence that they forget about being his servant even when you can’t feel him. When you can’t feel God, when you can’t be sure that he’s there by relying on your feelings or senses, it’s a lot harder to believe him.

I know a lot of teenagers who are extremely emotional when they hear speakers or songs, but do not follow God during the rest of the week. I think everyone does.

Let me say this: just because you are extremely convicted after a message enough that you begin to cry because of God’s presence, or just because you get extremely emotional whenever you are in a church setting does not mean that you are a better Christian than someone else. It does not mean that you understand God better. It doesn’t even mean that you are a Christian.

Christians are not meant to follow God only when we can feel him—we are told to follow God even when he is silent. Even when it feels like he’s abandoned you—because he never has. You are a Christian when you do something about those emotions that God has given you—when you follow where he wants you to go. When you refuse to live your life in sin, but surrender everything to Him. You can’t do that when you rely on God as an emotion.

Feeling God’s presence is an amazing experience—don’t get me wrong.

But unless we can follow him when we can’t feel him, we’re not worthy for God’s kingdom.

I believe in the sun

Even when it`s not shining

I believe in love

Even when I can`t feel it

And I believe in God

Even when he is silent

(Barlowgirl–I believe in love)


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Hey everyone,

I’m actually copying this from my journal, (exactly how I wrote it) so you can have a legitimate peek into my everyday writing. :) Hope you guys like it.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

So I wrote out all my journals out a while back, so that I could search for a date and be able to figure out what I did on that day. It’s really cool, actually, and it worked really well. J

But whenever I want to reminisce I never pull up the file that I made, I always pull out the real journals. Even though I spent all summer typing up these journals, the physical journals mean a lot more to me.

Why? Because I can remember where that coffee stain happened. I can remember the fuzzy chicken pen I used to use for my entries. My memories are triggered by touching something that brings me back to when I first saw it.

I think that’s why we have a hard time with God sometimes. We can’t feel it when he surrounds us, we can’t smell him, we can’t hear him audibly, we can’t even see what he looks like. If it wasn’t for our emotions, I wouldn’t be able to ever feel God.

But I think that’s the beauty of Christianity.

We believe in something we can’t see, can’t hear, can’t smell, can’t feel. But still we give our life to him. It’s like standing blindfolded on top of a table, when you’re told that there are friends waiting at the bottom, and jumping off and hoping they’re there to catch you. Christianity is that three seconds from when you jump to when they catch you. That freefall when you aren’t quite sure whether they’re going to catch you or not—but you still trust them. You still love them. You still have faith that they’re there for you. But you can’t hear them. You can’t see them or feel that they’re there.

Some people think Christianity is that time when you’re caught, and there’s that rush of relief and happiness—but I don’t think it is. I think that’s what heaven is. The transition, our life on this earth, is when you aren’t quite sure whether you’re right or not, but you have faith nonetheless. When we’ve finished this life, we’ll land into the arms of God with the knowledge that everything was worth it. The scariness was worth it. The uncertainty, the doubt, the fear, the ridicule, the pain, the choice to go the hard way—it was all worth it. Because now you’re in the arms of your savior, and there’s nowhere else better.

There’s a time to feel God, to see God, to hear him audibly—but it might not be now on this earth. This earth is the place where you have faith in the unseen, the unfelt, the unheard. Where you believe in God not because he’s proven himself to you, but because you just know that he is God. If it feels like you’re in a freefall right now, like God isn’t there to catch you, like you’re all on your own—you aren’t. God’s waiting to catch you, but it’s not time yet. But when you do land in the hands that hold the world, you’ll know it was worth it.


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We all know the little kid rhyme “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

When someone teases five-year-old Sally about how she spilt ice-cream all over her pretty dress, or 6-year-old Tom about how he fell into the box of toys, we recite the rhyme and hopefully win backa smile from the little kids’ faces.

But inside we know that the words hurt more than the sticks and stones.

Kelli from Unaverage Relationships wrote a neat post on this very subject, and it’s what got me thinking on it. Here’s what she said (my favourite part, anyway): (note, this post was directed towards guys, so that’s who she’s talking to.)

I have guy friends that joke about girls weight around them. For example, they will say something like “move over chubs” and I know they don’t mean it because they never do it to a girl who is overweight, but you never know what’s going on with that girl. Maybe she thinks she’s overweight and you saying that just affirmed that lie in her head. I had a guy friend say something joking like that to me and I said “That’s mean” and he said “Kelly, you know I wouldn’t say it if it were true!” I know he didn’t mean it, but for a second it hurt, and because I said something about it he affirmed in me that it wasn’t true, but most girls won’t call you on it. They will just think “He’s right. I am fat.” Whether that results in something as serious as an eating disorder or not, her self-esteem just dropped a little and she may be a little more conscious of the things she doesn’t like about herself, rather than the things she does like. That’s when insecurity and the feeling worthlessness start to work their way in.

She’s totally right. Something as small as a joke about someone’s weight can become the reason someone stops eating. Calling someone annoying can cause them to believe no one likes them. Words are such powerful weapons–and are too often used for bad.

Wounds inflicted by words almost always hurt more than physical hurt. You know why? Because those kinds of wounds will be with you forever. If you break your leg, it’s broken for a few months and then it’s back to new not too long afterwords. It’s like it never happened, unless you have a visible battle-scar.

But words stay. And not only do they stay, but they work their way deeper and deeper and deeper until they suck the very life out of us.

You know something, though? They don’t have to stay. They don’t have to torture and burn. You are able to get rid of every single scar left on your heart because of something someone said to you. Jesus is waiting with his arms wide open for you to give it all to him, and you’re the one running away. God is right there for you–are you going to let him help you? He’s begging you to run to him–will you listen to his call? Or will you choose to stay in a world or turmoil, heartbreak, depression, confusion and chaos?

I’m going to listen to Jesus. I’m going to give all the hateful things people have said to me over to him. It’s hard to surrender even a part of your life you hate over to Jesus–but please, give it to him.

He wants to comfort you–let him. He wants to lift you up and show you how much of a beautiful princess of God you are. Will you let him?


Here’s the full entry from unavereage relationships. Check it out!

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